Memoirs of a Worldly Guy
We never spoke until the bus had arrived and we were on board and seated. I concluded that we were both suffering from a case of moderate shock and pondering the behaviour of our new-found but unpredictable female acqaintances.
'Jesus, you'd think they would have left us a note or something,' Bill grumbled. 'Just taking off like that is ridiculous!' You think it was ridiculous, I thought. How about me? I was in love! Of course I couldn't say that to Bill; after all, he still thought Janet was his girl! Dear me; the vicissitudes of life and love! I was beginning to think this 'ships that pass in the night' drill was much more fact than fiction.
'I think I've got it figgered out at last,' I said glumly.
'Do let me in on it, pray.'
'The way I've got it figgered, they had planned early on to say they were scheduled to take off today, but after all the fun they had last night they just couldn't bring themselves to break the news.'
'So that's the way you've got it figgered, eh? Well, I say 'Dream on, father!'.'
'You've got a better theory?' I said.
'Yeah, I think they don't give a sweet goddamn about anybody but themselves; they knew all along that they were going to take off, in my opinion.'
'And decided to get all they could while the getting was good, right?'
'Right!'
'Mainly,' I said, 'I think you're pissed off because I ended up with Janet and you didn't.'
'Don't be ridiculous! What the hell difference did it make, anyway?'
'Quite a bit, actually.'
'Oh, really, like what?'
'Well, I got to kiss her exquisite neck just behind her right ear when we were sliding down the mountain. I can still smell the alluring perfume,'
'Be still my beating heart!'
'And then, best of all, while you were nursing your damaged ankle in the bar she gave me a sweet, lingering kiss with her lovely body pressed close to mine when I took her back to their room. It was just heavenly,' I sighed.
'I may puke,' Bill said. 'It's a wonder you didn't end up with another case of lover's nuts.'
'Try not to be vulgar,' I said loftily.
'Fuck you!' he said testily. 'Which reminds me, did you get laid?'
'Of course I didn't get laid,' I said. 'When would I get laid? And where? However, given time and the right place, I assure you the inevitable would have ensued.'
'Speaking of 'Dream On!' he said with a laugh.
'Well, I'd say you've come over all paranoid, if you want my honest opinion.'
'Actually, I don't want it, thank you very much!'
'Fine!
'Fine!' So we remained in a silent sulk until we arrived at the downtown bus station. I remained convinced that Bill was still miffed because Janet had chosen to ride with me on my rodel instead of on his. I decided it would not be politic to raise the subject ever again under the circumstances.
'Drop me a note at the American Express as soon as you get settled in London, eh?' I said when we were standing in the Bahnhof waiting for his train.
'Don't worry, I'll keep in touch.'
'Right, then, take care!'
'You do the same!'
After Bill told me that he planned to return to London I phoned Tommy Morison and arranged to meet him at one o'clock in the afternoon at the American Express. He walked in right on time, looking at the faces of the people sitting on the opposite side of the room.
'Konnen Sie mir bitte helfen?' I said quietly.
He turned and saw me. 'I didn't know you spoke the local language,' he said with a laugh.
'I don't! I've been practicing that line all morning; how was my accent?'
'It could use a little work,' he said, chuckling. Tommy was studying in Innsbruck (Bridge on the River Inn) for a number of reasons. I never found out how highly it was rated academically but it was inexpensive, the food and the skiing were great and he could get the additional Economics degree he wanted.
'Are you going back to Igls, or are you planning to find a place to stay here in town?' he asked.
'I've checked out of the room in Igls so I guess I'll just have to hope to find something here.'
'There's a little place about a block from here that might be worth checking out; it's called Gasthof Sailer.'
'So let's check it out.' I said. Our timing was perfect; they had one room left so I snapped it up--a dollar a day with maid service included! It was small but neat and clean and the bed was large and comfortable with lots of warm bedding and it had central heating! Tommy grumbled that I should have dickered for a better price. I obviously had a lot to learn.
Later on we walked up to the Hotel Central where Tommy introduced me to the rest of the American 'students'. Dick had come from Los Angeles to Europe to spend his required two years in the American Army. When he was mustered out he decided to stay in Europe for a while.
Innsbruck was in the French Occupation Zone and as a courtesy the French Army, whose officers were billeted in the Kreid Hotel, made the facilities in the dining rom and bar available to the American students. Dick had registered for an obscure course (which he never attended) and thus became an official 'student'. Norm was a New Yorker who was dabbling in a couple of post-graduate medical studies and had a habit of going back to bed for two or three hours after lunch each day. He called it 'resting his eyes'.
I never found out whether Frank Anzalone was registered as a student or not. I assume he was because he was the 'Keeper of the Key' to 'The Room' and had a certain amount of stroke as a result. Chuck and Sue Rowan were recently married and had gravitated to the main American group. I never knew whether they were officially 'students' or not. It was all academic anyway (no pun intended) because I went everywhere Dick went and was never asked for identification by the French.
Three days after Bill's departure I made my routine visit to the American Express office. I was handed a letter from Holland.
Thursday
Dear Ron,
I have sorted things out here, sooner than I expected. I should arrive in Innsbruck around 1 p.m. on the 17th and hope to spend a few days with you. Please wait for me at the American Express office if you receive this.
Elfie
Good Lord! That was tomorrow! I walked on over to the Central to spend some time with the usual hangers-on. Two of the boys were at the far end of the bar watching a game of 'foosball' between a couple of French soldiers. I spotted Norman and Dick sitting in one of the side booths and slid in beside them.
'Howdy,' Dick said. 'How's it goin'?'
'Okay. What's new? Anybody seen Tommy today?'
'Naw, he'll be at the University, probably.' I ordered a beer when the waiter came by.
'So what are your plans?' Dick asked.
'I don't have any particularly. There's a Dutch babe I met in London coming down for a couple of days. Why?'
'A bunch of us are heading over to Saalbach this afternoon. I thought you might be interested in coming along.'
'It's kind of you to ask,' I said, 'but what's so great about Saalbach?'
'Fabulous skiing, apparently. Acres and acres of untouched snow. It's still quite primitive, but it's cheap and the food is good. Bring along your Dutch sweetie if you want, we'll tell the hotel to expect you.'
'Sounds tempting; I'll check it out.'
'Let's go over to the Bahnhof and get a bowl of Gulyasuppe,' Norman said. There was no objection so we trooped over to the railway station and placed our orders. The soup was remarkable, large spicy bowls of thick steaming broth filled with small pieces of stewed beef and accompanied with thick slices of fresh crusty bread. When the bill arrived I was astonished.
'They must have made a mistake,' I said when the waitress placed the check on the table. 'Seven and a half schillings? That works out to about ten cents each!' I said.
'Is that some kind of a complaint?' Dick said.
'We'd better leave a good tip!' I said.
'No tipping!' Norman said quietly.
'Jaysus!' I exclaimed.
The 'foosball' game was not in use when we got back to the Central. Dick referred to it as 'Mumble Puppy'.
'Come on, I've got time for one quick game then I've got to go back to my room and get packed for Saalbach.'
Needless to say I had my ass whipped soundly. The little composition footballs moved so fast I had difficulty following them. I made a few good moves, unfortunately I made them a split second after the ball had shot past into the goal.
'Your game could use a little work, actually,' Dick said ironically. 'Look, I've got to get going. You shouldn't have any trouble finding the hotel at Saalbach. Get off the train at Zell am Zee and catch the bus up to town. I'll reserve a room for you and your friend when I get there.'
Elfie had reserved a tiny hotel room near the Bahnhof and we spent several hours each day as she helped me with my German language lessons. My intermittent attempts to hug and kiss her were regularly rebuffed. There's a lot about this girl I don't understand, I thought. But I realize now that if I hadn't had the visit from Elfie there was much of Innsbruck I would never have seen. During the following days we walked for miles around the town for lack of anything better to do.
Fortunately Tommy's schedule was quite flexible and he met with us each day around 11:30 a.m. and acted as a voluntary guide.
Although the largest city in the province of Tirol there were less than a hundred thousand souls living there, remarkable considering its age. Known as Veldidina it was a Roman way station prior to becoming known as Innsbruck in the 12th century.
One day he took us across to Maria Theresien Strasse and headed north toward the 'Old City'.
'Goes back a long time, this old town,' Tommy said. 'Been fought over for going on eight hundred years. Germans, Goths, Vandals, Huns, they've all had a run at the old rape and pillage caper from time to time. The Habsburgs managed to get control toward the end of the 13th century mainly by slaughtering all of their enemies. Then they changed their strategy and started taking over control through marriages. It was said that while everyone else waged war the Habsburgs arranged marriages.'
They passed a tall columnn in the centre of the road topped by a robed female figure with a golden halo.
'Who's that?' I asked.
'The locals call it 'The Anna Column' It seems the naughty Bavarians tried an invasion early in the 18th century but they were driven off by the heroic Austrians the column commemorates.'
'What's a woman called Anna got to do with it?'
'Buggered if I know. I haven't met anybody who remembers!'
'You seem to be very knowledgeable about local history,' Elfie said.
'Not really. I took a local history course to make up some credits, though. It may have helped. Speaking of the Habsburgs, I guess you know that the 'King Billy' our American friends rebelled against was one.'
'I remember him, he had an unforgettable lip.'
'They all did!' Tommy said. They passed a gray-bearded man dressed in typical Austrian clothing: green felt hat with brush, loden mantle of soft green wool, knickers with long stockings and ski boots. ''s Gott!'' he said, touching his hat.
''s Gott!' Tommy replied.
'What the hell does 'Scot! mean, anyway?' I asked.
'It's short for 'Gruss Gott!' and it just means good day! It literally means 'Greet God!'
'Thanks! I've been saying ''s Gott' for days and never had a clue about what it meant.'
'While we're on Maria Theresien Strasse I bet there's something else you don't know about the Habsburgs; like, who was her most famous daughter?'
'I couldn't even hazard a guess.'
'Marie Antoinette! Her husband, the Dauphin, ended up as King Lois XVI!'
'Really? Well, I'll be buggered! Did she really say '"Let them eat cake!"'?'
'They say not, more likely "Let them eat dumplings!"'
'Ah, well she ended up with her head in a basket anyway,'
'Ughh! Don't even talk about it !' Elfie said with a shudder.
'Up ahead there at the end of the street is the 'Goldener Dachl', the Golden Roof. In Columbus's day it was reserved as a royal box for Emperor Maximilian and his buddies.' As we drew closer I could see the frescoes and coats of arms decorating the interior of the seat where Maximilian sat watching his knights trying to kill each other.
'If we swing left here I'll take you into the restaurant where most of the university students eat.' The street was dark and very narrow and we passed along it till we came to a doorway above which a huge black replica of an armorial knight leaned out over the cobbled street.
Young students sat on wooden benches at refectory style tables eating food they had picked up from a long table at one side of the hall. We picked up trays and started choosing food from the unimpressive display on the sideboard. There was a huge tureen of what appeared to be vegetable soup, and baskets heaped with chunks of black bread. Another immense bowl held what appeared to be a mixture of linguini and minced beef or pork coated with light gravy. There was no sign of green vegetables or fruit.
'Nothing very fancy but it looks filling enough,' Elfie said.
'And the price is right!' I said, calculating that I had given the cashier less than a dollar for the three of us. 'I expect there'll be an outbreak of scurvy eventually, though.'
'How so?' said Elfie.
'Lack of greens,' I said.
'As a matter of fact,..' Tommy said thoughtfully. I decided not to pursue it.
In the following days Elfie and I visited 'Points of Interest' until I finally lost all interest. We returned to The Golden Roof and were told that the tiles were not solid gold after all but gilded copper slabs. What the hell! I thought, anything that lasts that long has earned its keep! We visited the Court Palace built while Christopher Columbus was still living, the Court Church dedicated to Maximilian and the wooden organ (not Maximilian's private 'organ') built around 1600 and still in use.
Each afternoon we returned to her room and I practised my German lessons. It occurred to me frequently that this time would have been spent more enjoyably, if not more redemptively, practising vigorous sexual intercourse. There seemed not to be a meeting of the minds or the sexual organs and Elfie continued to rebuff my efforts. Whether or not my persistent overtures bordered on sexual assault was a moot point, I only know they failed. I was becoming more than slightly frustrated. The tantalizing 'near-miss' experience on the eve of our departure from London had initiated a bothersome vibration among my hormones that had been further provoked by the exquisite caresses of Janet in Igls.
The day of our departure for Saalbach finally arrived and, as is typical of horny young men, I optimistically envisaged a change in my fortunes following our arrival in our new surroundings. This, of course, was sheer madness, since I had already received word from Saalbach that I was to be put up in dormitory accommodation with a number of other youths. The odds that it might be 'co-educational' were approximately zero.
We arrived at the Bahnhof in mid-afternoon well in advance of scheduled train departure time and purchased our tickets. The ticket agent told me once again the scheduled time of departure of the 'fast' train. At least I thought he did! Standing on the platform later I saw a train marked 'Worgl' preparing to leave.
'Do me a 'flavour' will you?' I said to Elfie. 'You speak the language better than I do; go back and and ask the agent if that's our train.'
'He affirmed that our train leaves later,' Elfie said when she returned. Fifteen minutes later, as we prepared to board a second train, Elfie asked the conductor for confirmation once again.
'Sorry, madam, the fast train for Zell am Zee left about fifteen minutes ago. You can get to Zell am Zee this way but it takes most of the night. It's a 'slow' train, you understand.' My blood pressure shot up when Elfie translated the information. This was unbelievable. Was I beginning to understand why the American students referred to the local natives as 'cretins'?'
'You'll just have to go to jail if you strangle the ticket agent,' Elfie said reasonably.
'Don't be so goddamned reasonable!' I said furiously. 'The dumb son of a bitch ought to be strung up!' Finally, we decided to remain in Innsbruck overnight and depart the next day. Naturally, Murphy's Law was functioning well and Gasthof Sailer was full. We walked down a block or so to a building with a lighted sign outside reading 'Zimmern'.
A gray-haired frau sat in a leather-upholstered chair in a glassed-in compartment at the foot of a wide staircase. She rose and approached us as we entered. After a brief discussion with Elfie regarding room rates she led us upstairs to the third floor. Elfie had been emphatic about her wish for separate rooms and the woman had raised her brows momentarily; but they were adjoining and interconnected at the end of a hallway, unheated, but the beds each had one of the huge eiderdown duvets common in Austria. We quickly decided to take the rooms and followed the woman back downstairs and registered and left our passports with her.
'How about a drink,' I said, on a sudden impulse.
'Fine! But where?'
'The bar at the Kreid will still be open. C'mon!' The woman handed us our room keys and we walked to the door. 'Guten nacht!' she called after us. 'Guten nacht!' we chorused in reply.
We entered the lobby at the Kreid and walked past the porter who nodded at us absent-mindedly. We hung our coats on one of the racks at the entrance to the door of the bar and shoved the stained-glass door open and walked in. I recognized a few familiar faces but, of course, most of the crowd I knew was in Saalbach. Frank Anzalone was over in one corner shouting at a small group of people unfamiliar to me, keeping them obviously amused with his Hell's Kitchen oratory.
I was glad to find the bar relatively deserted. Elfie had been in Innsbruck nearly a week now and it seemed as though in that time we had never really had an undistracted opportunity to talk together. At the same time I wasn't exactly sure what it was I wanted to say. The waiter approached.
'Zwei cognac, bitte!.'
Elfie had fixed her gaze on me and was studying me with a worried expression evident in her large blue eyes.
'You're not enjoying yourself, are you?' There was a noticeable flush on her pale cheeks, a tone of resignation in her voice. Her face looked drawn and tired. Well, I thought, that's getting right to the point. My feelings must be more evident than I realized. I sipped my cognac and looked at her thoughtfully. 'Well, maybe things haven't gone just the way I thought they would.'
'What do you mean?'
'How shall I put it? We've known each other for quite a while now, haven't we?' She nodded, biting her lip. 'Well,' I continued, 'men are different from women in some ways. They need to have certain evidences of a woman's affection or they find it difficult to believe it's the real thing.'
'I had an idea that it would be just the opposite,' she said quietly. Whoa, I thought, what gives here? Best be very careful.
'Whatta you mean?' I said incredulously.
'Women aren't that much different, you know. I've been tempted to go along with you several times.'
'Then why didn't you?'
'I didn't want you to think I was too easy, I guess; to think I was cheap!'
'Well, I'll be damned!' I said, shaking my head. Now I know I'll never understand women! I thought. Elfie slipped her small white hand into mine and squeezed it tightly.
Later, as we walked along the street toward the hotel, I felt mellow and relaxed from the four of five cognacs I had eventually consumed. 'Are you hungry?' I asked. 'we could go over to the Bahnhof for a glass of beer and a gulyasuppe.'
'I'd rather not, I think. I'm really quite tired suddenly and I think I'm feeling the effects of the cognac.'
'Hennessey's, no less, and for ten cents a shot already, who could complain?' I put my arm around her shoulders. 'Okay, back to the hotel it is!'
The office at the bottom of the steps was deserted and quiet when we entered. A single uncovered light bulb hanging from a ceiling cord cast a pale yellow light at the dark shadows at the far end of the hallway. We had our room keys so mounted the stairs and walked noiselessly along the carpeted hallway to our rooms. I unlocked Elfie's door for her and stood a moment looking into the pale intent oval of her face.
'Good night,' I said, finally.
'Good night,' she whispered. She made no effort to move toward the door but stood like a sleepwalker, fixing me with an intent, preoccupied gaze that made me feel suddenly ill at ease. I felt compelled to say something, anything, just so long as it broke the weird, unsettling mood of the moment.
'Come in for a minute later---when you're changed,' I said hurriedly. 'We'll talk for a while.'
'All right,' she replied, turning slowly and walking into her room.
I stood for a moment staring pensively at the large brass knob on the door to her room. All the sombre details of the dimly lit hallway were gathered into the convex panorama that marched around its polished surface like an exquisite Rembrandt miniature. I bent closer and saw a grotesque, flat-headed gargoyle materialize, mocking me with a great curving frog's mouth surrounded by mammoth pendulous jowls. I stepped back and the troll disappeared.
'Lovely boy!' I said to myself and entered my room. It was uncomfortably cold, so I undressed hurriedly, shivering as the cold, damp air struck my skin. I threw my clothes over a straight-backed wooden chair that stood by the bed and slipped gingerly between the covers. The shock of the cold linen sheets on my naked flesh forced the breath from me in an explosive gasp. I huddled, shivering and tense for a few moments until the warmth from my body spread through the bedclothes. Later I explored the frigid outer regions gradually with my feet and enjoyed the refreshing touch of the cold cloth against my skin.
There was a soft knock on the door and Elfie entered. She was wearing a loose-fitting blue silk robe tied about her slim waist with a satin cord. Her feet were bare. She turned and locked the door carefully.
I lay motionless below the mountain of white bedclothes staring fixedly at the ceiling. I made no remark as she walked around and sat on the edge of the bed. She bent over me, smiling a strange Mona Lisa smile and stared back at me for a long moment. She had removed the clips from her blonde hair and it fell like a halo about her delicate, expressive features, framing her face in the soft light from the bedside lamp.
She bent forward slowly and touched her lips against mine. My nostrils filled with the faint exciting scent of her perfume and I thrilled to the touch of her warm breath against my cool cheek. She drew back and fixed me with the same abstracted gaze she had had at the door to her room. There was a sleepy, drugged look in her eyes. I pushed the covers down from around my shoulders and reaching up, locked my hands behind her head. I pulled her face down to mine again and kissed her lingeringly and fervently. She lifted the covers and slipped quickly in beside me. As she did so her robe parted slightly and exposed a smooth white expanse of flesh along one slender thigh. She wrapped her arms tightly around me and we clung together in a fierce, frantic embrace.
-o-
When I threw my rucksack up on the wooden rack and finally settled myself in my seat the next morning I felt a surge of relief sweep over me. It was as though a great weight had been lifted from my back, an oppressing ache from my head.
What strange little accidents shape our fate, I thought to myself with wonderment. Yesterday in the heat of the situation I felt sure I could have flown at the stupid ticket agent for making us miss our train. But now--now I think perhaps I should clap him on the shoulder and buy him a beer from sheer relief! Strange, very strange! I gazed out the window at the towering bulk of the Seegrube as we sped over the snow-covered valley fields.
I realized now that I had looked forward to this morning's train departure as a convict must view with heightening anticipation the approaching day of his liberation. Exactly when the previous feeling of uneasy boredom had begun it was difficult to determine now, but my growing sense of restlessness had reached a peak the previous day in the Bahnhof as we stood waiting wordlessly for the train.
Was it really as accidental as I had imagined? Had my aversion to taking Elfie to Saalbach been causative in some way to our having missed the train. Surely that was nonsense! But I was sure of one thing--it had worked out splendidly. Elfie was on her way back to Holland and I was on my way to Saalbach for skiing and Gemutlichkeit. From what little I had seen of her skiing it was just as well she were not coming along anyway. Now there's an unkind thought!
Now, as I sat in the railway coach watching the telephone poles flicking swiftly past I was seeing, in my mind's eye, an image of her flushed, straining face, with the cords in her neck standing out in taut ridges. I saw her eyes rolled incredibly back in their sockets until only the whites were visible. I shuddered as I recalled the creamy blankness that had stared at me from between the wide-open eyelids as she writhed in a transport of erotic pleasure. Looking back on it I realized that, in spite of her passionate responsiveness I had felt more like a spectator than a participant in our copulation. After a while she got up and went to her own room.
I had realized as I lay in the bed, feeling listless and strangely disembodied, that she must have sensed from my behaviour that I was distant and unapproachable, out of her reach both mentally and spiritually. A thing like that was difficult to conceal in a feather bed; artifice and deception were poor bedfellows to the labours of love. Ah, well, I had at least been honest both to myself and to her. No use trying to manufacture feelings that just didn't exist. I had been cruel this morning, though, but there again it was a choice between being cruelly honest or hypocritically temporizing. After waking early, I had sent for hot water and was standing before the mirror when Elfie had entered without knocking, still clad in her flimsy nightclothes. She had been obviously surprised and a little disconcerted to find me up so early and stood hesitating at the door as if undecided about her next move. It was fairly obvious what her original intentions were, but I had felt coldly unenthusiastic and had continued shaving, making no attempt to ease her embarrassment. Sex was one thing a fellow could catch up on in a hurry, the old-timers used to tell me.
'Oh, I hadn't expected you to be up so early ,' she faltered at last.
'Early bird gets the worm!' I had said fatuously, cutting a smooth path with my razor through the creamy foam on my face.
'I'll hurry and get dressed,' she said, hurrying from the room, wretched and embarrassed. A twinge of compassion had touched my heart as I saw her crushed look, but I had been unable to say a word as she left. I had merely continued shaving. Maybe it was true; the chase was better than the kill.
During breakfast I had acted as though I still expected her to accompany me to Saalbach.
'I've developed this terrible cold,' she said finally. 'I've been thinking I might be better to go back to Holland.'
'Really? That's a shame; I was really looking forward to it!' I had hoped that my expression of disappointment had been believable. It had been an effort though, because I had been heaving a sigh of relief inwardly with the knowledge that the painful pantomime I was enacting would at last be brought to a merciful conclusion. At the same time I had been afraid to urge her too strongly to reconsider, for I knew that the least encouragement from me risked having her change her mind.
'Yes, I think it would be better if you went back to your mother's, all right! No telling what that cold may develop into, and the facilities at Saalbach may not be too good for nursing pneumonia cases. I had studied the check to avoid meeting her eyes.
— The End —